Am I Ruining Them?

Sometimes, I think I’m ruining my children’s lives.

Why?

Because we don’t have any money. Okay, that’s not true. We have money, but we live paycheck to paycheck. I feel like this has affected my kids, because they don’t have the best of everything. We make enough money to pay our bills and get our necessities and a few of our wants. But I feel like, because we are considered low income, we are looked down upon.

For example, my daughter plays softball. She invited every person on her team to her birthday party. Not a single one showed up. NOT A ONE. When they took up a collection for a gift for the coach, they didn’t ask us if we wanted to give anything or sign the card. They just ignored us.

I’m sure a lot of this had to do with the fact that, while at games, my kids were forever asking for something from the concession booth. They’d always ask and I’d always say no, not because I didn’t have the money, but because the concession booth didn’t take plastic.

My youngest, who knows no stranger….especially if you have food, would befriend people and they’d share their food. I’d apologize and get her to stop, but I always felt a little judgment. I feed my kids, damn it. I even packed snacks for them and made sure they had stuff to drink.

My kids are a little on the weird side and that’s probably because I’M weird and so is my husband. I just hate feeling like, because we aren’t well off, they are missing out. I’m a stay at home mom and I know that, if I went to work, we’d have that extra income, but at the same time, being there and available for my kids is FAR more important to me. I get to take them to dance, to practice, to games, to events, things like that.

Maybe I’m reading too much into it, I don’t know. But this is something that is weighing heavy on my mind and heart.

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