Secret Subject Swap

I joined up with the Secret Subject Swap, hosted by Karen from Baking In A Tornado. 12 blogger swap prompts and today, we reveal who got what. It’s like a monthly Secret Santa thing…..pretty cool.                            Baking In A Tornado                    The Sadder But Wiser Girl                       Evil Joy Speaks                      100lb Countdown                    Follow me home . .                            Menopausal Mother                              Dinosaur Superhero Mommy            Stacy Sews and Schools              Discovering Me                                      It’s Yummilicious                                  Dates 2 Diapers                       Confessions of a part-time working mom

My prompt came from Stacy at Stacy Sews and Schools and it was “What is the oldest memory you have?” Thanks for the prompt.

There are a lot I could think of. Some of them are good.

Some are bad.

All of them, however, are defining in some way or another.

My fear of roller coasters comes from my father having me look over the side of The Beast at Kings Island.

My love of music probably stems from the countless times I went with him to band practice.

My love of reading probably comes from being around books from an early age….something both my parents felt was important.

My fear of things that go bump in the night comes from a conveniently timed sound that drifted to my ears from the graveyard as I precariously picked my way through a field to my Grandmother’s house.

My fear of the unknown about the darkness stems from a fear of being sexually abused again.

MY fear of rejection and abandonment comes from my father picking his new family over me. From my mother picking her addiction over me.

My unending love for my family comes from a burning desire to do better, to BE better.

These are all early memories, but my FAVORITE memory? The one that I hold so dear to my heart?

The memory of a kitchen, in a small home, in a small town in a Southern state. The smells of a country dinner cooking on a natural gas stove. The anticipation of a meal after a Sunday morning church sermon. The light humming that floated from a woman as strong as a statue, who’s soul was more beautiful than the most beautiful painting. The feeling of her warm arms wrapped around me. The scent of her perfume, so very light and feminine. The sound of her voice as she said “Girly, I love ya.” The murmur of grace before a meal. The peace of laying on the porch swing, listening to the sounds of the country.

The ghost of a memory, though so strong I can almost taste the food, hear the sounds, feel the love. A woman taken too soon from this Earth. A loss I grieve daily.

A memory I pass to my own children, though they will never lay eyes on this woman.

The emptiness of that one singular thought.


12 thoughts on “Secret Subject Swap

  1. This piece is a hauntingly beautiful, thoughtful, heartfelt piece written by a woman really coming into her own as a writer. I’m so glad you got this prompt, it was perfect for you.

  2. You did a beautiful job with this. Very poignant and moving. Looks like you and I went the serious route on our prompts today. Just to give you a heads up–the link to my blog in the swap list is incorrect—it should have a www. in front of it in case you want to swing by later. Thanks for sharing this beautiful, heartfelt post.

  3. This is haunting and amazing. I love the way you have with words – makes the pictures very real in my mind. Hope you are able to cling tight to the good and the bad doesn’t hold too tightly onto you.

  4. wow…what a post…so truthful and honest…so raw and painful….but beautiful and loving. I remember painful and beautiful things too…each hold such strong feelings for me.

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