Raw Emotion

I’m going to be honest here. Gut wrenchingly, brutally honest. This is something I just kind of discovered today. And it will likely just be rambling, because I need to get it out there to universe, so I apologize in advance….

I hate myself. I absolutely hate myself. I can’t stand to look in the mirror, I can’t stand to look at pictures. It makes me sick. It makes me feel like a failure. I KNOW how to lose weight. I’ve done it before. I know I CAN lose weight. SOMETHING, and I’m not sure what, but SOMETHING is holding me back. I think it’s because I don’t feel like I DESERVE to be think, that I DESERVE to lose the weight. I know I could probably benefit from seeing a therapist, but I can’t afford it. I don’t want to be this big anymore. I need to change it. But I feel like I’m unworthy of the change. And that just makes my self hatred that much stronger. And then I start eating my problems, my issues. And that helps absolutely nothing.

I want, so badly, to get this weight off me and to feel better about myself, to feel HEALTHY. I don’t want to feel like I’m embarrassing my kids because they have the fat mom, or like I’m embarrassing my husband (even though I know I’m not).


3 thoughts on “Raw Emotion

  1. You cannot hate yourself, I won’t allow it.
    You are a good person. You are a kind person. You are smart and you care about others. Are you really going to let how you feel about how you look overpower all the good that is you?
    I think you’re better than that.

  2. I get it. Man do I get it. I have been struggling with the mental block as well. I know how to lose weight and I have done it but I can’t seem to get back to it. I think that sometimes when you get in that bad place it just seems impossible to get out. Baby steps….that is what we need to do. Baby step in the right direction.

  3. If I could suggest a sight that has made a huge difference in my life, it is this one: thebloodsugarsolution.com Please go there and check things out. There is a ton of info about sugar addiction and how there is sugar in everything and companies put it there to keep us powerless over what we eat. Hate them, not you.
    tam@ spinstersnacks.com

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s